Transitioning into motherhood was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life. When I first had my daughter it felt like there were no breaks.
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I had gone through 50 hours of labour alongside an unmedicated water birth and I was exhausted. When I left the Toronto Birth Centre, my midwife told me to rest but I had far too much adrenaline and could not sleep. I was too excited. My baby was finally here!
Eventually, the adrenaline was gone and I was left in pain, exhausted and unsure how to take care of this human we just created. Healing from my second degree tears and learning to breastfeed were so incredibly challenging for me. When I wasn’t feeding Liyana or feeding myself, I was soaking my stiches and trying to heal, all on minimal sleep. I would cry hysterically and sometimes would cringe at the thought of having to feed Liyana because it just hurt so much. The baby blues were real. That first month was the longest month I have ever lived. But it does get better.
By the time Liyana was two months old things slowly got better and as she turned three months old and summer rolled in things truly got better. I know everyone kept telling me it’ll get better but it was so incredibly hard to believe them while I was living it. I just kept thinking WHEN.
I am sharing this because, it wasn’t shared enough with me. I was so caught up in what to buy for Liyana that I don’t think I thought enough about the postpartum experience. Working in mental health helped in that I was regularly seeing my therapist and my family was made aware to support me mentally as much as they were physically but even with all the support it was hard. And that’s okay. Motherhood is not a test we can study for but rather a journey we have to embark on. So be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel all the feelings and make sure you have access to support both via your social circle and professional help.
Love,
Mahreen